Smelling Like Roses

Actually, the title of this posting was going to be "Orpheus's $#!% don't stink." But that would be vulgar. On the other hand, Sergie thinks it doesn't. We had a conversation about it a couple of weeks back, after a cat stunk up the half-bath and office.

Sergie: Who went to the bathroom in Orpheus's box?
Varda: Probably Orpheus. He has the stinkiest poops of all the cats. Also the largest.
Sergie: He does?
See what 6 and 1/2 years of marriage does to your conversational skills?

Anyway, this conversation is not the only example of the double standard between the O-man and the cat family.

This morning: a certain cat was knocking things over and scratching our bed. Sergie wakes up, "Why are the cats out?" I respond, "Which cats?" Obviously O wouldn't be doing anything bad like knocking stuff over and scratching things with his declawed paws. It's very surprising, considering he's only been doing stuff like that from the day he arrived.

Yesterday at dinner, I describe Orpheus as "fat." Sergie corrected me, Orpheus, you see, isn't "fat." He's "oversized." Alma, on the other hand, is described as fat cow who is ugly with all that extra weight. Henry is pretty ugly too.

"Varda, the cats are getting on top of the computer monitor." Let me list the cats and the number of times I have witnessed them on the computer monitor:
Athena: 0 Alma: 0 Henry: 2 Orpheus: 5
So, tell me again why this means that we should "get rid" of the kittens?

The kittens run crazily from room to room. This is unacceptable. Orpheus would never do anything like that. Actually, Orpheus used to do this all the time, and still does occasionally. When he does, it's another demonstration of his uniqueness and wonderful personality.

A rose by any other name...

Since the name "Henry" continues to be criticized, I'd like to offer a list of the other names that have been suggested or I've considered. Henry's name will not be changed, but we might come up with a list of good cat names for the future. Feel free to make suggestions.

Alexander
Ariel
Flint
Henry, the cat
Kitten #2
Snookums
Washington

A groovy kind of love

For a long time, I've been saying that Henry will grow up to be an Orpheus-like kitty. Mostly I've been saying it because, as we know, Sergie is devoted to Orpheus but dislikes Henry.

Today, my statement was validated, though I did not get photographic evidence. Henry stole a dried apricot from me and is trying to eat it. I'm not sure that is more or less ridiculous than Orpheus's piece of licorice that was captured on film.

So, let's talk about Henry. But first: Henry! Get off the table.

Henry is the personification of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Once he decided to be a snuggle-kitty, there was no turning back. He loves being picked up, so he circles my ankles until I have two choices: pick him up so that I can walk, or fall on my face.

Henry! Get OFF the table!

Of course, being a kitten, the love that he expresses tends to be a bite-y, scratchy sort of love. Meaning that, when I pick him up, he starts purring before chewing on my fingers with his back-teeth. Or, when I'm sitting on the futon, I'll suddenly feel a whole bunch of claws stabbing into my back. It somehow seems worth it when I scoop him up and he lays his silky head against my shoulder. Right before he starts biting my fingers again.

HENRY! GET off the TABLE!

He's definitely still his mama's boy. He continues to wash her face when she tries to clean him. Also, when Alma and Orpheus become upset at each other, he'll barge between them, tail up, and rub against O's side. Henry is (of course) O's favorite, so that's an immediate distraction. Henry also takes care of his sister if she cries, and shares his mice with her when he plays.

HENRY! GET OFF the TABLE!

On the other hand, he doesn't listen to a damn thing anybody says. Everybody else seems to understand that the kitchen table is off limits. I'm constantly pulling him out of the refridgerator, out of closets, carrying him out of the basement. He's into everything, rips apart paper, takes objects out of the bathroom trash to play with, types great words like bdreeeeeeeee on my keyboard and immediately shoves all of his toys under the closet door so he has nothing to play with. He also uses Sergie's clothes drying rack - an elegant, irreplacable design - as a cat jungle gym. (Have you tried the single-use Crazy Glue packages? They're great.) And, as Sergie points out, Athena does none of this.

HENRY! GET OFF THE DAMN TABLE!!!!

How can I not love him?

P.S. I've figured out why "Henry" seemed perfect for this kitty. His narrow face and deep-set eyes look exactly like Henry Ford's.

A matter of perception

Frankly, it seems that the kitties' vet and I have diverging perspectives on the world.

Yesterday, they called to see how Athena was doing. They didn't seem to be amused when my answer was "Well, we just got her out of the air conditioning ducts. Her incision seems ok."

Since she had just gotten back from the vet, she still smelled strongly of surgery. Everybody was chasing her and trying to beat her up, so I put her in the office overnight. Unfortunately, Sergie had never put the vent covers back after remodeling. Now, these weren't holes that she could easily slip into - so I didn't think they'd cause a problem. These were holes that she had to squeeze herself down, with all of the power that was in her, in a desperate escape attempt from the room. I don't think she could have gotten out by herself, not to mention possible complications from the surgery. It took Sergie all day to put the ducts back up. So far, my marriage is surviving.

Today, Athena and Henry got a postcard from the vet.

"Dear Athena and Henry -
"Thank you for choosing Cat Care Hospital for your medical needs. We hope that your recovery goes well!
"If you have any questions or concerns, please have your parents call us at 770-424-6369.
"Sincerely, Cat Care Hospital"

I'm drafting a response:

"Dear Cat Care Hospital
"I know you didn't mean to rub my fur the wrong way, but there are a few issues I feel I should raise.
"First, I've been a single parent since that cad ran off six months ago.
Additionally, I firmly believe that no cat should go to the vet. Especially if they have to be put in a cat carrier and carried in a car.
"Finally, I will not be able to contact you at that number, because I do not have thumbs.
"Thank you for your efforts, Alma"

Everything is back to "normal" today. Nobody smells like the vet and everybody is healing well. Kitten surgeries are supposed to be easier and this seems to be the case.

Poor Kitties

This morning, I carefully dressed myself: jeans, denim shirt, leather gloves. It's time to take the cats to the vet. Today, everybody gets their last series of shots, and Henry and Athena get neutered.

I started with Athena. After surprisingly few laps around the room, I scruffed her and shoved her into the cat carrier (I prop them against the wall, so I can drop the cats down through the door). She is surprisingly strong and fast. I'm glad this is our last trip - I don't think I'll be able to catch her again.

She didn't meow, but I could feel a palpable sense of "Everything bad that's ever happened to me in my entire life is due to you." as she glared at me from the back of the cage.

Henry cowered on the top of Jean's cat cage. I picked him up and rubbed him against my cheek. I felt so bad, but it had to be done.

Alma was easy - a grab and stuff and we were done.

I slipped Enya into the tape deck: music soothes the savage beast. Nonetheless, there were additional backup singers.

Chorus
Alma: Yrow
Henry: Meow
Athena: Mew
... And a one more time!

Fast forward to now. I called the vet. Henry and Athena are waking up. I took the opportunity to get them tested and they're both FIV negative. Way to go, Alma! Her struggles were successful; she has raised two healthy kittens, who will NOT go on to reproduce.

Why carpets are better

For much of my life, I preferred hardwood floors. They are beautiful. Sweeping is so much easier and cleaner than vacuuming - much more resource efficient. Spots can be completely wiped up with a dampened rag, and don't form those nasty black spots later. Hardwoods don't encourage dustmites, or other nasty little critters.

What I didn't think about was the cat interface. While, yes, it's much easier to get cat hair off of hardwood floors, cats do not have the healthy respect for the broom as they do the vacuum. Orpheus flops down in the broom's path so that he can be "swept." Henry cannonballs into the dust piles like he is the Hobbes portion of Calvin and Hobbes.

Which is also why Henry smells like chocolate. I spilled cocoa on the floor this morning. He ran over and sniffed it, leaving cocoa dust on his face. Then he lay spreadeagled over it until I moved him to sweep. I seem to be moving him a lot lately. Which is the problem with domesticated kittens. He's constantly underfoot and wants me to pick him up and pet him.

I don't have this problem with Athena. I'm basically leaving her alone. I tried chasing her down and petting her daily, but she hates it. It's much better when I do it periodically, when she can enjoy it. Maybe in a year or two, she'll be in the mood to snuggle.

The price of liberty is eternal vigilance

08-10-2002. 08:01 Hours. Agent Athena Reporting

Life progresses more or less on schedule. The Pink Monster came in with wet food at 07:13. This time I was not cozened into remaining in the room, but ran out with my mom and brother.

Once the Monster left, I was first at the dish. I prefer that the Monsters not even see me.

There are TWO Monsters outside of the Room + a nasty cat. Luckily, the other Monster doesn't come AT me as often, though still innumerable times during the day. The nasty cat will hit me with his soft paw if I come to close. He might even bite. I stay away from him and hiss, sometimes, if I see him.

The food Monster tries to TOUCH me. Is it not enough that she come AT me millions of times, so I have to run and hide? Is it not enough that I can never completely relax? But it must TOUCH my fur.

Yesterday, it did again. The sensation was surprising wonderful, but I'll not be charmed by it. I know that nothing truly good can come from a Monster. It's better to Disappear when they are around.

It's amazing how close you can be when you disappear. I see them sometimes looking for me, before closing my mom and brother into the Room. My brother I even slept for hours within reach of the Monster. It never came near. Finally, it came AT us and TOUCHED my brother. I managed to escape.

I will never submit like my brother. He will allow them to TOUCH him and even asks for it. It might feel really, really good, but I know nothing good can come of it. I remember the Cage. I remember the nasty place with the needles. I will never forget.

The treats are mine. The food is mine. I will never be a slave.

Angelical Cat Company

http://www.angelicalcat.com/

Dear Angelical Cat,

I purchased your R4 cat furniture some years back. My cat, Hinge, preferred scratching bark, and I couldn't find anything in the stores. I think it was the most expensive piece of furniture I owned for quite some time. When I got it home, I was impressed. The tunnel is at chair height and the bed is at countertop height. Very managable for almost any cat and the bed was a comfortable height for me when I brushed her.

After Hinge passed away, I got Orpheus, a large, declawed male. He, of course, doesn't scratch it, though he does like to scent it with his paws. The great thing about Orpheus and the R4 is that it's so comfortable for cats that he'll frequently choose to lie there instead of the couch, minimizing my husband's complaints about cat hair on the furniture. Orpheus likes to jump from the floor directly into the bed, he's so athletic.

Fast-forward to today. I rescued an abandoned Mama cat and her two kittens (want one?) Orpheus is not happy. The kittens about 12 weeks old now and are both currently snoozing in the R4's bed. They love to climb up the taller post onto the tunnel and play on every surface. The sides of the bed are tall enough for them to catch with their back claws when they try to jump to it (or fall out of it) and the carpeting is very sturdy. It's almost as good-looking as when I brought it home.

All of this leads up to my question: why does every cat try to prop their chin on the edge of the bed? Hinge had to crane her neck a little, but it was managable. For Orpheus, it's a comfortable lean. But, right now, I have a little kitten doing his best to reach the edge with his tiny chin and is just barely making it. This can't be comfortable.

Who can ever understand the mind of a cat?

To conclude, I'd like to thank you very much for a useful, sturdy, attractive piece of cat furniture. Five cats later I still feel that was well worth the investment.

Feral Kitten becomes Snugglebug

Henry has always been an affectionate kitten. He loves to snuggle with his mama. He washes her face when she tries to wash him. He cozies up to my other cat. But, after spending his first five weeks outside with his abandoned mother, he wasn’t too sure about people.

Times have changed indeed. Now, he enjoys being gently stroked from his ears to his tail, and even asks to be petted sometimes. When he’s not in the mood for a cuddle, his hobbies include biting toy mice, chasing after balls and trying to figure out just who is that kitten in the mirror.

Where can he find that special someone to help him bloom into the great cat he’s going to be?

He’s about 12 weeks old. He is scheduled for his last set of shots in the third week of August, and I’m planning on neutering him at the same time. His mama is FIV+. This doesn’t mean that he is, so I’ll have him tested before I send him home with you.

Mama's Boy needs to cut the apron strings.

Henry is on the right.

This black shorthaired kitten, Henry, loves his mama. He snuggles with her in the afternoon. He washes her face when she tries to wash him. Her tail is his favorite toy. He copy-cats everything that she does - which is where he got his exemplary litter box habits. Mama loves him too. She spent the first 5 weeks of his life struggling to care for him outside, after being abandoned by her owner.

But it's time for Henry to make his own way in the world. Mama needs her tail back.

He’s a Taurus, born in early May, so he’s warm-hearted and loyal, but can also be stubborn when told he cannot play with the computer wires. His hobbies include biting toy mice, chasing after balls and trying to figure out just who is that kitten in the mirror. He’s very friendly, especially if you have treats, but doesn’t snuggle yet. Those early weeks as a feral make him hesitant around strangers, but he’s getting more affectionate every day. He’s won the heart of my other cat, too.

He’s scheduled for his last set of shots in the third week of August, and I’m planning on neutering him at the same time. His mama is FIV+. This doesn’t mean that he is, so I’ll have him tested before I send him home with you. $50 and vet or personal references are required to adopt him.

Got Purrs?

I got purrs from Athena this morning! Turns out I was going about it all wrong. There are specific conditions that need to be met.

1) She must be in the cat cage
2) She must be on the second shelf
3) She must be scratched between the shoulder blades
4) You are not allowed to look at the kitten
5) Morning is better
6) You must stop when she is done

It's all very simple....

The most ridiculous kitten EVER

I just cornered Athena so I could pet her. She was refusing to admit how much she liked it, when it slipped her mind that I was petting her. She almost gave me her belly, and I heard about 1/3 of a purr before she remembered. Of course, that meant that she needed to escape immediately.

She's just being difficult. She knows I'm not going to hurt her and she absolutely loves being petted. She associates me with food and treats. She just has this idea that it's cooler to be feral. I'm seriously thinking about Valium. She'll eat from my hand, so if I could crush it and mix it with some canned food, we might get through the wall she's built.

He loves me, he loves me not

The kitties have been going on supervised, exploratory adventures around the house. At least Alma and Henry are.

Athena stays in the room crying "Come back, come back! We're safe in The Room." This is a kitten that hates change. She's so upset that she's hissing at me again. I'm not only going to have a house-feral - I'm going to have a feral that can't leave the guest bedroom. I don't know what I'm going to do with my allergic friends.

There is not hissing, etc between O and Alma. Alma is up in O's face more than he'd like. He tries to go someplace else and she runs after him to sniff his nose and his butt.

His relationship with Henry is very good. Henry runs up to O. O licks him. O hides behind a chair and pounces out at Henry, licking him when O catches him. O finds someplace high to sit to get out of kitten range.

When Alma sees O trying to leave Henry-range, she gets a little upset and tries to whack O with her paw. I, of course, put a stop to the incident before it gets started. I reminds me of all mothers: "What are you doing to my baby? My son wouldn't do anything like that!"

Henry is friendly-ish. He likes being petted and will approach me sometimes. On the other hand, if I'm just being a person - sitting in a chair or something, he'll avoid me. I think he trusts me, individually, but doesn't like people as a group. A lot of semi-ferals are like that.

I'm trying to bribe Athena with treats. I think what she really needs is a person on a rigid schedule. That way she'd know what to expect and wouldn't be so upset with things changing all the time.

Long Legged Mouse Biters

I haven't done an update for awhile on the kittens.

Sergie doesn't think they're cute any more because they've entered that long-legged, skinny kitten stage. I think they're adorable - probably close to three months old now.

Athena (the girl) doesn't run and hide from me. She'll either run OR hide. I'm ignoring her. She will deign to sniff my fingers if I don't come too close, move slow and don't even think about touching her. Maybe she'll feel more comfortable if she understands that I know she's there and don't want to chase her.

Henry (to whose name, I've had multiple objections) is getting friendly, especially around feeding time. I can pet him always, but can't scratch him behind the ears (too much like biting) and he doesn't enjoy a stroke that goes all the way down his tail. It's difficult to stop because he pushes into the end of the stroke, which naturally makes your hand pet the tail.

When I go and sit in there, Henry tries to chew my shoe off and Alma (the mommy) pesters around asking for pets (but not completely sure what to do with them) so Athena will come over and sit closer. She knows she doesn't like me, but she is around her family.

I haven't done anything about getting them adopted. After I made my first effort a couple weeks ago, I realized it was way too soon. Now Henry's friendly and Alma is weaning, so maybe he can go. I wonder if he's helping Athena adjust or whether having him gone would help more.

I've been putting up a baby gate to provide a bit of a barrier and feeding the kitty family in their room, while giving Orpheus a treat on the other side. I figured, while an adult cat can make it over, it would separate two cats interested in a detante (sp?).

The first day Alma and O ate their food, while eyeing the other. Henry put his paw through the gate and poked O, which O wasn't too thrilled about, but also didn't react to.

The second day, was about the same.

The third day, Athena started walking up and down the gate with her tail up in the air. I swear she was flirting. That night, I saw O playing "paws under the door" with Henry.

The fourth day, Alma came and looked through the gate at O.

Today, she cleared it in one clean leap. No running, no chasing, no hissing. They were sniffing each other's noses when I scooped Alma up and tossed her back in her room. The eating continued until Alma started growling. Not at O, there's a pair of dogs that get walked in front of my house every day. Alma's hobby is to stare out the window and growl at them, they bark a little and she was responding to that from the food dish. I'm not sure how O took it. We'll see how it works tomorrow.

Photographic Proof

Orpheus eating licorice that he stole from me.

Black female kitten is seeking Prince(ss) Charming for true love...

Athena is on the left.

I’m a princess myself, beautiful medium-length black fur and yellow/green eyes. I enjoy being enthroned someplace up high and am a fairly low energy kitten, unless there is a toy mouse involved. I met my first toy mouse when I was six weeks old. I wasn’t too sure about it: I need time to adjust to new things, but once I figured it out – watch out world! I hissed at my brother when he tried to play with it (he’s such a brat). I hissed at Mama when she looked at it. This is MY mouse.

I’ll probably hiss at you too. This might be because I lived outside for my first five weeks (mama used to tell about how nice it was to have an owner). Or it might be because I need to keep you in your place. I do enjoy being hand-fed wet cat food (there was some talk about how this was supposed to get me used to people’s hands, but I think it’s only right to get some service) and I have a super-sized purr. When I can relax, having the back of my head rubbed is great. I just need the right person to love.

One last thing, Mama is FIV+. This doesn’t mean that I am; I’ll get tested before I come to live with you. I come with my mouse, wet food, and will have my shots and be spayed by the end of August. Are you the one for me?

Rules for Stray Cats - an email forward

Rules for Stray Cats

1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened
with a little milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened
with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their
permanent residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
will absolutely not be given a name.

8. Stray cats, with or without a name, will not be allowed inside the
house at any time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at certain
times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on days
ending in "y".

11. Stray cats, allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up on or
sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen claws
on the really good furniture.

13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen
claws on new .99 sisal rope cat scratching post with three perches.

14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
high impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter
pan, with a three panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old
blanket.


21. Stray cats will sleep in the special KittyKomfortBed with
nonallergenic lambs wool pillow.

22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the
foot.

24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
covers.

25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
covers, except at the foot.

26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27. Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.

28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on
the desk, when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyykmm4hb
USING IT.

More on FIV

As you all know, I have a FIV+ Mama cat and have been exploring various options.

I discovered that there is an FIV vaccine, but my vet refuses to use it because an FIV vaccinated cat shows up as FIV+ on all available tests. This could lead to Orpheus being put down due to a false positive. This seems ridiculous.

So I got a second opinion. The second opinion vet doesn't use the vaccine because there hasn't been enough testing done (I read something last night mentioning that the most prevalent strain on America's East Coast hasn't been tested with the vaccine). This vet recommended blunting the incisors: no sharp teeth = no deep bites, no deep bites = no FIV transmission. This would, of course, mean that she wouldn't be able to kill her own food, but she shouldn't be running around outside anyway.

That, plus a careful introduction of the two cats should mean problem solved.

She goes in for a spay on Tuesday (I think she's pregnant again - a co-worker is calling her a "slut". I've tried to explain that she thought she had found The One before her Tom left her. When he told her he made a mistake and still loved her, of course she took him back. She's very young. It's not her fault that he broke her heart again.)

The kittens are still very bad and growing bigger daily. Hopefully they'll test FIV negative and hopefully they'll do that before they're 6 mo. old.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support. This has been a trying period.

The FIV dilemma

Ok. There is a FIV vaccine. My vet doesn't want to give it to Orpheus because he might escape, get picked up, and killed because he'd test positive. You were talking about the possible benefits of your more tolerant attitude and lenient laws...

Have you ever heard of anything more stupid? So she'd rather run the risk of Orpheus getting a debilitating illness than having him vaccinated against it because people make fatal choices about cats with FIV. What happens if he goes outside, gets bit and gets put to sleep due to a true positive? Can't somebody mandate an ear tattoo or something?

So I'm still left with a variety of impossible decisions:

- Try to give away Mama and babies now (almost impossible)
- Keep Mama, etc. and run the risk of Orpheus getting a possibly debilitating illness
- Keep Mama, etc., get O vaccinated and run the risk of his being put to sleep due to a false positive
- Exterminate Mama and kittens due to Mama's true positive
- Put Mama into a box and ship her and her babies to a country that isn't completely insane.