Actually, the title of this posting was going to be "Orpheus's $#!% don't stink." But that would be vulgar. On the other hand, Sergie thinks it doesn't. We had a conversation about it a couple of weeks back, after a cat stunk up the half-bath and office.
Sergie: Who went to the bathroom in Orpheus's box?
Varda: Probably Orpheus. He has the stinkiest poops of all the cats. Also the largest.
Sergie: He does?
See what 6 and 1/2 years of marriage does to your conversational skills?
Anyway, this conversation is not the only example of the double standard between the O-man and the cat family.
This morning: a certain cat was knocking things over and scratching our bed. Sergie wakes up, "Why are the cats out?" I respond, "Which cats?" Obviously O wouldn't be doing anything bad like knocking stuff over and scratching things with his declawed paws. It's very surprising, considering he's only been doing stuff like that from the day he arrived.
Yesterday at dinner, I describe Orpheus as "fat." Sergie corrected me, Orpheus, you see, isn't "fat." He's "oversized." Alma, on the other hand, is described as fat cow who is ugly with all that extra weight. Henry is pretty ugly too.
"Varda, the cats are getting on top of the computer monitor." Let me list the cats and the number of times I have witnessed them on the computer monitor:
Athena: 0 Alma: 0 Henry: 2 Orpheus: 5
So, tell me again why this means that we should "get rid" of the kittens?
The kittens run crazily from room to room. This is unacceptable. Orpheus would never do anything like that. Actually, Orpheus used to do this all the time, and still does occasionally. When he does, it's another demonstration of his uniqueness and wonderful personality.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
A rose by any other name...
Since the name "Henry" continues to be criticized, I'd like to offer a list of the other names that have been suggested or I've considered. Henry's name will not be changed, but we might come up with a list of good cat names for the future. Feel free to make suggestions.
Alexander
Ariel
Flint
Henry, the cat
Kitten #2
Snookums
Washington
A groovy kind of love
For a long time, I've been saying that Henry will grow up to be an Orpheus-like kitty. Mostly I've been saying it because, as we know, Sergie is devoted to Orpheus but dislikes Henry.
Today, my statement was validated, though I did not get photographic evidence. Henry stole a dried apricot from me and is trying to eat it. I'm not sure that is more or less ridiculous than Orpheus's piece of licorice that was captured on film.
So, let's talk about Henry. But first: Henry! Get off the table.
Henry is the personification of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Once he decided to be a snuggle-kitty, there was no turning back. He loves being picked up, so he circles my ankles until I have two choices: pick him up so that I can walk, or fall on my face.
Henry! Get OFF the table!
Of course, being a kitten, the love that he expresses tends to be a bite-y, scratchy sort of love. Meaning that, when I pick him up, he starts purring before chewing on my fingers with his back-teeth. Or, when I'm sitting on the futon, I'll suddenly feel a whole bunch of claws stabbing into my back. It somehow seems worth it when I scoop him up and he lays his silky head against my shoulder. Right before he starts biting my fingers again.
HENRY! GET off the TABLE!
He's definitely still his mama's boy. He continues to wash her face when she tries to clean him. Also, when Alma and Orpheus become upset at each other, he'll barge between them, tail up, and rub against O's side. Henry is (of course) O's favorite, so that's an immediate distraction. Henry also takes care of his sister if she cries, and shares his mice with her when he plays.
HENRY! GET OFF the TABLE!
On the other hand, he doesn't listen to a damn thing anybody says. Everybody else seems to understand that the kitchen table is off limits. I'm constantly pulling him out of the refridgerator, out of closets, carrying him out of the basement. He's into everything, rips apart paper, takes objects out of the bathroom trash to play with, types great words like bdreeeeeeeee on my keyboard and immediately shoves all of his toys under the closet door so he has nothing to play with. He also uses Sergie's clothes drying rack - an elegant, irreplacable design - as a cat jungle gym. (Have you tried the single-use Crazy Glue packages? They're great.) And, as Sergie points out, Athena does none of this.
HENRY! GET OFF THE DAMN TABLE!!!!
How can I not love him?
P.S. I've figured out why "Henry" seemed perfect for this kitty. His narrow face and deep-set eyes look exactly like Henry Ford's.
Today, my statement was validated, though I did not get photographic evidence. Henry stole a dried apricot from me and is trying to eat it. I'm not sure that is more or less ridiculous than Orpheus's piece of licorice that was captured on film.
So, let's talk about Henry. But first: Henry! Get off the table.
Henry is the personification of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Once he decided to be a snuggle-kitty, there was no turning back. He loves being picked up, so he circles my ankles until I have two choices: pick him up so that I can walk, or fall on my face.
Henry! Get OFF the table!
Of course, being a kitten, the love that he expresses tends to be a bite-y, scratchy sort of love. Meaning that, when I pick him up, he starts purring before chewing on my fingers with his back-teeth. Or, when I'm sitting on the futon, I'll suddenly feel a whole bunch of claws stabbing into my back. It somehow seems worth it when I scoop him up and he lays his silky head against my shoulder. Right before he starts biting my fingers again.
HENRY! GET off the TABLE!
He's definitely still his mama's boy. He continues to wash her face when she tries to clean him. Also, when Alma and Orpheus become upset at each other, he'll barge between them, tail up, and rub against O's side. Henry is (of course) O's favorite, so that's an immediate distraction. Henry also takes care of his sister if she cries, and shares his mice with her when he plays.
HENRY! GET OFF the TABLE!
On the other hand, he doesn't listen to a damn thing anybody says. Everybody else seems to understand that the kitchen table is off limits. I'm constantly pulling him out of the refridgerator, out of closets, carrying him out of the basement. He's into everything, rips apart paper, takes objects out of the bathroom trash to play with, types great words like bdreeeeeeeee on my keyboard and immediately shoves all of his toys under the closet door so he has nothing to play with. He also uses Sergie's clothes drying rack - an elegant, irreplacable design - as a cat jungle gym. (Have you tried the single-use Crazy Glue packages? They're great.) And, as Sergie points out, Athena does none of this.
HENRY! GET OFF THE DAMN TABLE!!!!
How can I not love him?
P.S. I've figured out why "Henry" seemed perfect for this kitty. His narrow face and deep-set eyes look exactly like Henry Ford's.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
A matter of perception
Frankly, it seems that the kitties' vet and I have diverging perspectives on the world.
Yesterday, they called to see how Athena was doing. They didn't seem to be amused when my answer was "Well, we just got her out of the air conditioning ducts. Her incision seems ok."
Since she had just gotten back from the vet, she still smelled strongly of surgery. Everybody was chasing her and trying to beat her up, so I put her in the office overnight. Unfortunately, Sergie had never put the vent covers back after remodeling. Now, these weren't holes that she could easily slip into - so I didn't think they'd cause a problem. These were holes that she had to squeeze herself down, with all of the power that was in her, in a desperate escape attempt from the room. I don't think she could have gotten out by herself, not to mention possible complications from the surgery. It took Sergie all day to put the ducts back up. So far, my marriage is surviving.
Today, Athena and Henry got a postcard from the vet.
"Dear Athena and Henry -
"Thank you for choosing Cat Care Hospital for your medical needs. We hope that your recovery goes well!
"If you have any questions or concerns, please have your parents call us at 770-424-6369.
"Sincerely, Cat Care Hospital"
I'm drafting a response:
"Dear Cat Care Hospital
"I know you didn't mean to rub my fur the wrong way, but there are a few issues I feel I should raise.
"First, I've been a single parent since that cad ran off six months ago.
Additionally, I firmly believe that no cat should go to the vet. Especially if they have to be put in a cat carrier and carried in a car.
"Finally, I will not be able to contact you at that number, because I do not have thumbs.
"Thank you for your efforts, Alma"
Everything is back to "normal" today. Nobody smells like the vet and everybody is healing well. Kitten surgeries are supposed to be easier and this seems to be the case.
Yesterday, they called to see how Athena was doing. They didn't seem to be amused when my answer was "Well, we just got her out of the air conditioning ducts. Her incision seems ok."
Since she had just gotten back from the vet, she still smelled strongly of surgery. Everybody was chasing her and trying to beat her up, so I put her in the office overnight. Unfortunately, Sergie had never put the vent covers back after remodeling. Now, these weren't holes that she could easily slip into - so I didn't think they'd cause a problem. These were holes that she had to squeeze herself down, with all of the power that was in her, in a desperate escape attempt from the room. I don't think she could have gotten out by herself, not to mention possible complications from the surgery. It took Sergie all day to put the ducts back up. So far, my marriage is surviving.
Today, Athena and Henry got a postcard from the vet.
"Dear Athena and Henry -
"Thank you for choosing Cat Care Hospital for your medical needs. We hope that your recovery goes well!
"If you have any questions or concerns, please have your parents call us at 770-424-6369.
"Sincerely, Cat Care Hospital"
I'm drafting a response:
"Dear Cat Care Hospital
"I know you didn't mean to rub my fur the wrong way, but there are a few issues I feel I should raise.
"First, I've been a single parent since that cad ran off six months ago.
Additionally, I firmly believe that no cat should go to the vet. Especially if they have to be put in a cat carrier and carried in a car.
"Finally, I will not be able to contact you at that number, because I do not have thumbs.
"Thank you for your efforts, Alma"
Everything is back to "normal" today. Nobody smells like the vet and everybody is healing well. Kitten surgeries are supposed to be easier and this seems to be the case.
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