WWJD?

I've "tried to read the Bible" several times, but always started with Genesis. And got bored in Kings.

This time, I'm going straight to the Gospels, which are very cool. From what I can see (half-way through Matthew), Jesus wasn't very much of a "holier than thou" stick-in-the-mud. He really seems to be saying "These are the rules. Give 'em your best shot, believe in God and you'll be ok." There are also a few areas that I need to think about some more. I've also ordered the Thomas Jefferson version of the Gospels to see if they offer additional enlightenment.

How to go to heaven according to Jesus:

Matthew 5:20 "Except that your righteousness shall exceed that of the scribes and the Pharisees, you shall not enter the kindom of heaven." Of course, in Matthew 3:9, John the Baptist states that the Pharisees are a "generation of vipers" so this isn't a particularly high bar. Or is it?

Per answers.com, a Pharisee is a member of an ancient Jewish sect that emphasized strict interpretation and observance of the Mosaic law in both its oral and written form. This means that THEY were very much "holier than thou" sticks-in-the-mud. So we're supposed to do better than that. Shaking in your boots yet?

Don't worry, Jesus finds many opportunities to explain himself. Essentially, what we have are the 10 Commandments. They are the Law. And we need to follow the spirit of the law, not just the letter. Thus, it's not enough to say that "I didn't commit what I thought of as adultery, 'cause there was no penial/vaginal penetration." Congress and God are different. As are the Presidency and God, but that's a different topic.

(BTW, according to a Wikipedia article, I find the LDS interpretation of the Commandments to be the most functional and reasonable, especially since Jesus was pretty clear on the necessity of supporting one's actual, physical parents and not acting like your support is a gift, Matthew 15:4. The Jewish version upholds Jesus's concept of supporting one's parents too and is the easiest to follow, except for the interpretation of the last Commandment. Though that's also pretty consistent with Jesus. Matthew 6:25-34)

On the other hand, petty, routine acts of ritual observance are spurned. God isn't down with going to church on Sunday, then spending the rest of the week avoiding your mother's phone calls. As a matter of fact, Jesus even commutes the 4th Commandment: Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. He states that you shouldn't take this to ridiculous lengths but should do reasonable things on the Sabbath, such as healing people and saving sheep. (Matthew 12:10-12)

So it's not all that hard to be better than a Pharisee. You don't need to know all of the ins and outs of religious thought. You don't need to live in utter purity all of the days of your life. You just need to live up to the spirit of the 10 Commandments.

5 most annoying main characters in fiction

We'll call this the "smack 'em up 'longside the head" category.

1) Madame Bovery. At one point her mother-in-law said something like "she needs to have kids and stop thinking about herself." And, ya know, her mil was right!
Madame Bovery - Gustave Flaubert

2) Claudia Parr. She and her husband get in a fight. He tells her, "Fuck you." She tells him "Fuck you." She packs, gets a taxi, goes to live at a friends and gets a lawyer. Then she spends the rest of the book whining about why her husband left her.
Baby Proof - Emily Giffin

3) Tiny Tim. Need I say more?
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

4) Ayla from Clan of the Cave Bears. She doesn't get really annoying until the third book. She and her non-monogamous, but strangely faithful, partner invent everything that's ever been created. From needles and thread to the domestication of animals. I think they invent the internet in the sixth book. Enough already.
The Mammoth Hunters - Jean Auel

5) Tatiana. She's so dumb you want to smack her. Really, really hard.
Now and Forever - Elizabeth Doyle